What a day what a day

You know I've found it more and more intriguing to live my life for God recently. I know that it seems like a general and pretty stupid thing to say, but seriously why have so many lost their "fire" for God?

I'd like to consider myself a deep thinker. I sit and think and often study to figure out my beliefs, but when it comes to writting anything worth time to read I come up short. I wont try to today either. I just wanted to simply write that life has been challenging, pushing, striving, and ultimately loving on me.

I went through a pretty big deal last week and it's going to have effects on my future in quite big ways. Something that I thought would always be there, has suddenly changed. Not so much that it changed but it apparently was never there, it just was not there. Like anyone who has ever dealt with troubles, I went head on. I made mistakes, I said the wrong words, and I found out what it's like to be completely and utterly wrong.

Now i'm starting to change. I don't feel weighed down by what was, and I don't see the future clearly but I know that it is good. God made all things good for those that follow him right? I've found Joy recently, and when I say found I really mean created. I have realized that situations suck, but joy can be found through creating it. Making sure that every moment you are alive is one full of purpose and reason, and finding the hope and happiness that comes through that.

That is where I am, and that is my life.

Again and Again

Hey Blog + Friends,
I know I'm kind of a jerk from time to time, not updating on my life and all. I know I usually just do this for myself writing and writing all for me. What else should it be for? So it's summer again and I'm home. Tremont. My Favorite town in the country. I know it sounds stupid to enjoy a town that has so little in it, but honestly I enjoy the people here. I've grown out of the typical high school scene and I guess that is alright. For the moment I feel as if I am left alone here. I don't have as many college friends that are here, and now that I've been out of hs, I even have fewer of them. God has me moving I just don't know where to.
I don't have much else to say at the moment, so I guess I'll move on and forget about this post for a few days. I have something important to blog about in a few days...or a week, but I'll let you know when it happens.

Take care

Hey Blog,
I'm writing you now because I don't think think I'll have time to do this anytime today.
I woke up this morning and thought to myself "why do I have a problem waking up in the morning?"
I think a better question is "why am I always surprised that I wake up?"
I guess that may seem morbid but honestly I've felt a call to death for a long time. If you don't know me well enough then you don't know that I've had reoccurring dreams since I was 17. My dream consists of me and three friends going to a restaurant and me eventually getting shot. This seems quite extreme doesn't it? Well it gets more and more strange as we go on. My dreams got more specific. The dream would only happen about once every week but when I dreamed I'd get a new bit of information. At the end of my senior year I found out from my dreams that the restaurant was Steak n Shake. I knew the friends that came with. I knew what each of us ordered. I know which table we were at in the Pekin Steak n Shake. Well....I knew that it was going to be the night of my graduation. I went to that Steak n Shake on the night of my graduation with those very friends from my dreams and everyone ordered the same things that were in my dreams. I didn't die obviously. Nothing scary happened at all.
Well I'm now a sophomore in college and a year after my graduation I started getting the dreams again. Everything is blurry though. The friends I'm with have changed, the meals have changed, the location has changed, and for awhile I didn't know if I was even at a Steak n Shake. Yet I still die. I don't know if there is significance at all to my obsession over my dreams but I know that deep down inside I feel like I want it to happen. I guess it's not a desire to die, but I've come to grips with the reality that I have death over my shoulder. I'm not trying to go "Final Destination" on you it's just I feel like death has been looming over me for awhile now, and i'm ok with that. I'm ready to die.
I don't want to go "Paul" on you either, but seriously heaven looks really good sometimes and I'd be ok with staying or leaving this world. I'm not gonna go out and make a quick trip to heaven or anything I just think I'm ready to be in union with Christ fully. To not be held down by the weight of sin. I think we should all be looking forward to death, as off the wall as that seems. Why shouldn't we be looking forward to being with the creator of our universe? He made you in to being and named you for His Kingdom!


- Robert

Chronicles of my life Part II - What the future holds...

Hey Blog,

Yeah it's only been a day since I updated but ya know I think it's important to put my thoughts down somewhere and now that I don't have facebook or myspace to accomadate that...I'm forced to you my good ole friend! I hope you haven't felt to mad when I left you for about 2 years =P I kept busy with other websites =P But you and other blog sites are truly my first love on the internet well....you and neopets I guess..
Anyways I've been thinking alot about my future lately, a thought that comes across alot I suppose...but honestly where does God have me going in the future? Gosh sometimes I wish I'd know. I feel like I'm being left out to dry sometimes as if "This is my life, shouldn't I know my future?" I guess that's the beauty of God is never quite knowing when and where he's going to do something amazing! I guess I'm being selfish everytime I pray that he takes me out of my normal life. I could care less if my name was remembered in the sands of time. I just want God's kingdom to be reaching out throughout the lands. I guess you could say that I've been pulled and tugged towards missions lately...
Many might note that I've been very against putting all your focus on mission ministry but lately I see nothing more worth my time. I need something so out of my life that I can finally feel used. Of course God is going to use me where I am but why should I be "ok" with just the plain life that I'm living? I guess you can say that I've become to accustomed to the ways of this world and I've found myself passive to the problems in my own country. I look past other's and my own filth just so I can be "ok" in this world that was originally created for perfection. I guess Genesis has been getting to my head, thus why I've been mentioning it quite a bit in my blogs and personal comments. I just have a focus on how this world was supposed to be. Perfection. Unity. I know one thing is for sure, if I ever feel alone I know it's because I'm not in union with God. Why the heck wouldn't I be in union with God? Sin. It sucks. Sin destroys.
I guess that's where my focus on missions came from. There are people who are falling to sin and hell without even knowing it. I know that this is the case in America too but there are so many people in this crummy nation already...and then people complain about how our nation is such a crummy nation. Why would I want to stay and try to add to something that people have already decided has no say on the outcome of the nation? I guess I just don't want to be stagnant. If I stay here in this country and do God's work I know that I could easily fall into my own motives or worse off the Devil's motives. I guess I am worried that allowing myself to stay here wont change my own heart.
So here I am. A very outspoken activist against the missions majors...thinking about his future in Missions. It's funny how God works. It's also brilliant. To soften that which was hard. To destroy that which destroys. I'm willing to do God's mission. I just hope it doesn't kill me before I can be used to His fullest.

- Robert

Chronicles of my life Part I - Praying for the Best/Expecting the worst/Accepting God's will

Hey blog,
Yep I changed my hair color again.
I really couldn't tell you why.
I'm a very inconsistent person aren't I?
eh...I think that hair is should a small issue of consistency
anyways back to important things

I went and met with Doug Rumbold today and it was really nice.
I always find that God puts people into my life when I need them.
We met at Northfield and went to CiCi's to eat and such.
He asked me about home life, school, and plans.
I think it was nice being able to talk about my life to someone who isn't always constantly around my life.
He asked about the different majors and how they are preparing me at LCC.
He was most skeptic about the way they are providing personal growth.
It was hard to answer Doug.
I mean yes the school has SFG and other things like that, but I don't have an accountability partner or anything of that sort.
I guess it opened my eyes a bit.
Either way it was productive talking about how he views ministry and how I shouldn't allow my critical eye get in the way of allowing ministry to work.


So lately as I've endeaveroud in this task of finding what God wants for me I've realized this.
Pray for the best. Expect the absolute worst. Be ready to Accept whatever God wills for your life.

Pray for the best because God calls us to ask, seek, and knock.
Expect the worst because it's not always rainbows and butterflies.
Accept God's will because it is He who made this earth into being and it is He who controls everything in this world.

Pray for the best/Expect the worst/Accept God's will

I'm praying right now that I don't clutch to my pillow every night in vain.
That eventually I'll have the perfect person to go on this journey with me.


- robert

I would regret it if I ever left...

Hey blog,

It's been a week.
Sorry
but I guess I've been going through a bit of remembrance and other things
I've had one of those times where everything that I have now, reminds me of everything in my past
I thought temptations would get easier as you avoid them...

I love this song

The Scene Aesthetic - So Peter, you've become a pirate
You can tell him that I'm waiting,
You can tell him that I'm not coming home
It's been a couple weeks debating,
And I'm still not sure if she really knows
Fight off your urges to tell her how you feel,
It can only cause you problems tonight
Hold tight till you leave, then decide,
Whether the timing was wrong, or was it right?

Cause I know I would, regret if I ever left,
Take a look just a little closer,
Because she's the one that makes it feel like home,
And I see now, but I can't fight these feelings,
Wait here just a little longer,
Hold on tight you're about to lose her,
These feelings that I have inside for her

Call me a friend when you're in dire need of,
Falling cause I'm always there to help you up,
Call me when you have a place to run away from,
Call me cause I...

Cause I know I would, regret if I ever left,
Take a look just a little closer,
Because she's the one that makes it feel like home,
And I see now, but I can't fight these feelings,
Wait here just a little longer,
Hold on tight you're about to lose her,
These feelings that I have inside for her

Give me a chance to prove that I,
Could be your one, your inspiration,
Cause I swear, I won't, mess it all up give me a try,
I know that I have my own flaws,
But they just build my motivation,
So take me, right now, before I start to change my mind

Cause I know I would, regret if I ever left,
Take a look just a little closer,
Because she's the one that makes it feel like home,
And I see now, but I can't fight these feelings,
Wait here just a little longer,
Hold on tight you're about to lose her,
These feelings that I have inside for her


I guess you could say that this is how I feel.
I have been debating over and again in my head.
and I don't know what I need to do.
I just know that I can't fight things anymore...
Every time that this person isn't around I feel like it isn't quite right.

I guess that's how it's supposed to feel...
I mean look at the garden of eden. Genesis.
Adam and Eve got kicked out of eden because they lost unity with God.
They lived in perfection and then they were without God and they weren't in their home any longer.

I guess that's how love is supposed to feel.

- robert

give me a chance to prove that I....

Hey blog,

I have been enjoying life recently.
Not because of anything directly amazing or something like that, but honestly I have never felt so alone.
I think it's an odd concept of being joyful while being alone.
I guess it all comes down to what I'm devoted to, and I do not think my devotion is on myself anymore.
Yes I'd love to have it all figured out, do not get me wrong, but I think that an air of confusion can keep someone from becoming to stuck on themselves.
I am a lost lost person.
I am a broken person.
I pray that it stays that way.

back to being alone
I have been avoiding people, intentionally.
i have been making things right, intentionally.
I have been creating change in others, intentionally.
sometimes creating change means losing your comforts.

This means friends, activities, and a lifestyle.
I have lost my comforts.
It feels great.
As long as God is moving then I will be fine.


"I'm alway looking over my shoulder
the rain is cold on my neck
I have my dark and then my blest
choose to overcome the rest

debating the instruments
was the timing wrong?
play the notes to a different chord
you've always left me with your last word"
after-rawr - play the notes


the after-rawr.
just amazing.

I'm going to leave you all with the list of things that I've been learning this semester so far.

Things I've learned recently:
1. live truth
2. jump
3. covered in the dust of the Rabbi
4. passion is essential
5. not everyone is made for Bible College
6. I am not alone, there are prophets among us
7. signs can be signs
8. Missions Majors = caution
9. sometimes old friends come back into your life at just the right times - diregemes
10. Loving unconditionally means loving intentionally
11. postmodern culture can benefit Christianity
12. only in being torn can we mend
13. I hate when I'm not right
14. I want to be miserable
15. as inadequate I feel, I'm made adequately

I hate not being right....

Hey blog,

Today has been an interesting day
as always...
I woke up after pressing the sleep button on my phone 10 times...
showered up and walked to my 8 oclock foundations class
I love Rondel.
Talked about strategy today, along with the vision and mission.
then onward to my Sex.Friends. and God. aka SFG(Spiritual Formation Group)
we call it sex friends and God because A. Sexual things are prevalant in everyone's life, even if you aren't having it
B. Friends are in the group
and C. because God is our focus
anyways
I got to see Dave's video of him and Erica getting engaged!
it was beautiful.
i love them
they are amazing people
then I went to lunch
by the way...I wish i were always thinking about Jesus.
I had a wake up call at lunch
Chris sat next to me today
and half way through he just asked
"if jesus were here right now, what about yourself would you have him pray for?"
and I was like "well, I'd be in awe and not able to speak"
"well he came as a normal man. The bible says that there would have been nothing special in his appearance to draw to the conclusion that he was the son of God"
"well i don't really know, it's a hard question to ask me..."
"...."
"I'd ask to be content"
end of conversation...
why why why?
I don't get it
then when I was about to leave
"Can I pray for you before you leave brother?"
"yes of course"
everyone at the table follows our prayer
"Lord bless my brother bobby here, He is a sinner. Lord he asks to be content, but I think that's the exact opposite of what he needs. God I pray that you break him. that you give him a holy discontent. I pray that you make him miserable for you God. That there isn't a second that he can rely on anyone or anything but you Lord. That he has to rely on Joy that comes just from you God. Lord I love you, Amen"
man, was I shook up...
I said thanks...got up and took my plates away.
you know what I hate?
I hate not being right...
I know well enough that I shouldn't ever be content, but dang it how many times does it have to bite me?
It was right in my face today...
I've been miserable lately because of the circumstances around me, but thats what I need.
Why should i ever be content with life on this earth?
I SHOULDN'T
This isn't my home
haha hahaha
this is not my home
I hope God makes me miserable just so I can better glorify him.
I don't deserve to be content
haha
The only one that deserved that was Jesus himself.

"I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said
Because you tore down the walls that the world has put inside my head
And I just get sick of things that we think, we think we know
And no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for whats true"

I'm sick of the things that I think I know.
I hate not being right
I shouldn't
but I do
but nothing I say is right
see the truth in what Chris told me today?
Christ is in all people who have personally accepted and started to follow him
I've known this to be true.
I've never lived that way.
Jesus was there.
asking me what i needed to have prayer for.
and sometimes
sometimes
the people that Jesus resides in, know better about what we need than we do

So after that I went back to my room...and studied my greek for the next 3 and a half hours
and I still didn't do as well on the test as I'd hoped.
oh well
we'll see on monday wont we? =P
After the greek test I went back to my room and such...which is now where I am residing

Happy Single's Awareness Day....er....Valentine's Day!
haha

well I'm out

- robert wolfgang

My Brother's Email about his condition!

Hello everybody,

I'm writing from an internet cafe. So, no journal . . . but I will do one later.

I'm sure many of you are aware that I was wounded yesterday. Our Iraqi Army unit was involved in another big clearance mission. Yestarday was the third day of this particular mission. There were four of us dismounted clearing an area (with the rest of the team in vehicles, talking to us on the radio ready to react). We came under heavy enemy gunfire (presumably just small arms). During the initial shooting I heard SFC Hnt shout out that he was hit. I was a little farther back with our medic and we tried to move over to him. As soon as we moved I felt a sharp impact on my face and saw the blood. I knew that I had been hit. We found cover and those who were able returned fire while our team (and the Iraqis) came up with vehicles to take us out. I remained conscious the entire time. It wasn't until we got back to the JCOP that I started to understand the extent of my wounds. They identified an entrance wound under my ear and exit wound on the other side of my nose (meaning it had gone through my face). Within minutes medevac helicoters picked us up en route for the hospital in Balad.

Once at the emergency room they determined that it was shrapnel -- not bullets that penetrated my face. They later found that a peice of shrapnel had also gone through my arm. They were extrememly concerned about my face (thus, initial reports about the injury being serious and maybe a trip to Germany). Over time they figured out that the shrapnel had gone through without hitting any of the important stuff (sinuses, brain, important part of the bone). A quickly became "the story" of the hospital. Everybody was amazed at how "lucky" I was. Of course, I know that I am extremely blessed and that God had me in His hands the whole way. It is now a day and a half after the injury and I am doing fine. My face is swollen and I have many stitches -- but I did not require surgery. I will spend a few more days at Balad under watch and then they are flying me to Qatar for about a week of R&R. They will return me to the unit to finish the deployment . . . but our time will be short when I get there. I had great care the entire time. I have already had my "Purple Heart" awarded to me and also had a visit from General Cody (4 Star General, one of the top Army commanders), People helped me get in touch with Deanna. And I know many people were helping take care of her as well. Thank you for all your love and suport. I am pretty tired and am going to stop typing now, but I will send out a journal with the full story later.

Love,

Russ

Miracles do happen...

Hey blog,

so I had class this morning at 8 oclock and it was Rondel's Foundations of Youth Ministry class
It was an exciting class and it had me Jazzed and pumped for the rest of the day.
When I left the class I got a call from my mom saying that my Brother-in-Law, Russel Wells, had been shot while over in Iraq.
It hit me....it hit me hard...
I immediately turned around outside in the cold and I yelled to everyone who was around to come and pray with me.
"Korey, Charity, Danielle, John! Can you all come over here?"
I proceed to tell them what has happened and with tears pouring down my face I just pray.
Then the others in the circle pray.
I continue to cry as I walk all the way to chapel.
I see Ethan, and I tell him that i need to talk to who's in charge of speaking at chapel.
He takes me behind stage and we ask Issac to pray during the service.
Then we pray there behind stage, and i continue to cry.
I then walked to find seats with Ethan.
When we sit down, Sarah comes by and just gives me a hug because she saw me crying.
Then Josiah came over and gave me a hug and i told him what had happened. He then prayed for me and the family right there.
The service started and all I could do was cry and pray.
Blake did speak well. Psalms.
Psalms? What a perfect explanation to what I'm needing right now!
i cry throughout the service, and through the music i cry and sing to MY God.
As the service ends, Issac stands and prays for Russ, Deanna, my parents, my family, me, and the war.
People came around and placed their hands, their heads, their fingers on me.
I could barely hear the prayer because I was crying so much...
When the prayer ends, people lined up to show their love, and give me hugs.
After most people had left, and i was left with Phil, Zach, Gary, and Nate; I decided to call my Father.
When I called him I asked him what he needed me to do.
My Father asked if I had heard the good news yet.
I was lost.
He continues to say that None of the bullets went into his head, instead 1 or 2 went into his shoulder, and a bunch grazed his face.
He then continues to say that Russ was up and walking again.

Praise God.
Miracles do happen.
Don't ever doubt the power of prayer.
Miracles do happen.

Take #43

Oh blogster...
I am sorry for being lazy
I haven't done this in a long while
but I will return
not today but soon
because I have other things to do.

-robert