Hey Blog,
I'm writing you now because I don't think think I'll have time to do this anytime today.
I woke up this morning and thought to myself "why do I have a problem waking up in the morning?"
I think a better question is "why am I always surprised that I wake up?"
I guess that may seem morbid but honestly I've felt a call to death for a long time. If you don't know me well enough then you don't know that I've had reoccurring dreams since I was 17. My dream consists of me and three friends going to a restaurant and me eventually getting shot. This seems quite extreme doesn't it? Well it gets more and more strange as we go on. My dreams got more specific. The dream would only happen about once every week but when I dreamed I'd get a new bit of information. At the end of my senior year I found out from my dreams that the restaurant was Steak n Shake. I knew the friends that came with. I knew what each of us ordered. I know which table we were at in the Pekin Steak n Shake. Well....I knew that it was going to be the night of my graduation. I went to that Steak n Shake on the night of my graduation with those very friends from my dreams and everyone ordered the same things that were in my dreams. I didn't die obviously. Nothing scary happened at all.
Well I'm now a sophomore in college and a year after my graduation I started getting the dreams again. Everything is blurry though. The friends I'm with have changed, the meals have changed, the location has changed, and for awhile I didn't know if I was even at a Steak n Shake. Yet I still die. I don't know if there is significance at all to my obsession over my dreams but I know that deep down inside I feel like I want it to happen. I guess it's not a desire to die, but I've come to grips with the reality that I have death over my shoulder. I'm not trying to go "Final Destination" on you it's just I feel like death has been looming over me for awhile now, and i'm ok with that. I'm ready to die.
I don't want to go "Paul" on you either, but seriously heaven looks really good sometimes and I'd be ok with staying or leaving this world. I'm not gonna go out and make a quick trip to heaven or anything I just think I'm ready to be in union with Christ fully. To not be held down by the weight of sin. I think we should all be looking forward to death, as off the wall as that seems. Why shouldn't we be looking forward to being with the creator of our universe? He made you in to being and named you for His Kingdom!
- Robert
