What a day what a day

You know I've found it more and more intriguing to live my life for God recently. I know that it seems like a general and pretty stupid thing to say, but seriously why have so many lost their "fire" for God?

I'd like to consider myself a deep thinker. I sit and think and often study to figure out my beliefs, but when it comes to writting anything worth time to read I come up short. I wont try to today either. I just wanted to simply write that life has been challenging, pushing, striving, and ultimately loving on me.

I went through a pretty big deal last week and it's going to have effects on my future in quite big ways. Something that I thought would always be there, has suddenly changed. Not so much that it changed but it apparently was never there, it just was not there. Like anyone who has ever dealt with troubles, I went head on. I made mistakes, I said the wrong words, and I found out what it's like to be completely and utterly wrong.

Now i'm starting to change. I don't feel weighed down by what was, and I don't see the future clearly but I know that it is good. God made all things good for those that follow him right? I've found Joy recently, and when I say found I really mean created. I have realized that situations suck, but joy can be found through creating it. Making sure that every moment you are alive is one full of purpose and reason, and finding the hope and happiness that comes through that.

That is where I am, and that is my life.

Again and Again

Hey Blog + Friends,
I know I'm kind of a jerk from time to time, not updating on my life and all. I know I usually just do this for myself writing and writing all for me. What else should it be for? So it's summer again and I'm home. Tremont. My Favorite town in the country. I know it sounds stupid to enjoy a town that has so little in it, but honestly I enjoy the people here. I've grown out of the typical high school scene and I guess that is alright. For the moment I feel as if I am left alone here. I don't have as many college friends that are here, and now that I've been out of hs, I even have fewer of them. God has me moving I just don't know where to.
I don't have much else to say at the moment, so I guess I'll move on and forget about this post for a few days. I have something important to blog about in a few days...or a week, but I'll let you know when it happens.

Take care

Hey Blog,
I'm writing you now because I don't think think I'll have time to do this anytime today.
I woke up this morning and thought to myself "why do I have a problem waking up in the morning?"
I think a better question is "why am I always surprised that I wake up?"
I guess that may seem morbid but honestly I've felt a call to death for a long time. If you don't know me well enough then you don't know that I've had reoccurring dreams since I was 17. My dream consists of me and three friends going to a restaurant and me eventually getting shot. This seems quite extreme doesn't it? Well it gets more and more strange as we go on. My dreams got more specific. The dream would only happen about once every week but when I dreamed I'd get a new bit of information. At the end of my senior year I found out from my dreams that the restaurant was Steak n Shake. I knew the friends that came with. I knew what each of us ordered. I know which table we were at in the Pekin Steak n Shake. Well....I knew that it was going to be the night of my graduation. I went to that Steak n Shake on the night of my graduation with those very friends from my dreams and everyone ordered the same things that were in my dreams. I didn't die obviously. Nothing scary happened at all.
Well I'm now a sophomore in college and a year after my graduation I started getting the dreams again. Everything is blurry though. The friends I'm with have changed, the meals have changed, the location has changed, and for awhile I didn't know if I was even at a Steak n Shake. Yet I still die. I don't know if there is significance at all to my obsession over my dreams but I know that deep down inside I feel like I want it to happen. I guess it's not a desire to die, but I've come to grips with the reality that I have death over my shoulder. I'm not trying to go "Final Destination" on you it's just I feel like death has been looming over me for awhile now, and i'm ok with that. I'm ready to die.
I don't want to go "Paul" on you either, but seriously heaven looks really good sometimes and I'd be ok with staying or leaving this world. I'm not gonna go out and make a quick trip to heaven or anything I just think I'm ready to be in union with Christ fully. To not be held down by the weight of sin. I think we should all be looking forward to death, as off the wall as that seems. Why shouldn't we be looking forward to being with the creator of our universe? He made you in to being and named you for His Kingdom!


- Robert

Chronicles of my life Part II - What the future holds...

Hey Blog,

Yeah it's only been a day since I updated but ya know I think it's important to put my thoughts down somewhere and now that I don't have facebook or myspace to accomadate that...I'm forced to you my good ole friend! I hope you haven't felt to mad when I left you for about 2 years =P I kept busy with other websites =P But you and other blog sites are truly my first love on the internet well....you and neopets I guess..
Anyways I've been thinking alot about my future lately, a thought that comes across alot I suppose...but honestly where does God have me going in the future? Gosh sometimes I wish I'd know. I feel like I'm being left out to dry sometimes as if "This is my life, shouldn't I know my future?" I guess that's the beauty of God is never quite knowing when and where he's going to do something amazing! I guess I'm being selfish everytime I pray that he takes me out of my normal life. I could care less if my name was remembered in the sands of time. I just want God's kingdom to be reaching out throughout the lands. I guess you could say that I've been pulled and tugged towards missions lately...
Many might note that I've been very against putting all your focus on mission ministry but lately I see nothing more worth my time. I need something so out of my life that I can finally feel used. Of course God is going to use me where I am but why should I be "ok" with just the plain life that I'm living? I guess you can say that I've become to accustomed to the ways of this world and I've found myself passive to the problems in my own country. I look past other's and my own filth just so I can be "ok" in this world that was originally created for perfection. I guess Genesis has been getting to my head, thus why I've been mentioning it quite a bit in my blogs and personal comments. I just have a focus on how this world was supposed to be. Perfection. Unity. I know one thing is for sure, if I ever feel alone I know it's because I'm not in union with God. Why the heck wouldn't I be in union with God? Sin. It sucks. Sin destroys.
I guess that's where my focus on missions came from. There are people who are falling to sin and hell without even knowing it. I know that this is the case in America too but there are so many people in this crummy nation already...and then people complain about how our nation is such a crummy nation. Why would I want to stay and try to add to something that people have already decided has no say on the outcome of the nation? I guess I just don't want to be stagnant. If I stay here in this country and do God's work I know that I could easily fall into my own motives or worse off the Devil's motives. I guess I am worried that allowing myself to stay here wont change my own heart.
So here I am. A very outspoken activist against the missions majors...thinking about his future in Missions. It's funny how God works. It's also brilliant. To soften that which was hard. To destroy that which destroys. I'm willing to do God's mission. I just hope it doesn't kill me before I can be used to His fullest.

- Robert

Chronicles of my life Part I - Praying for the Best/Expecting the worst/Accepting God's will

Hey blog,
Yep I changed my hair color again.
I really couldn't tell you why.
I'm a very inconsistent person aren't I?
eh...I think that hair is should a small issue of consistency
anyways back to important things

I went and met with Doug Rumbold today and it was really nice.
I always find that God puts people into my life when I need them.
We met at Northfield and went to CiCi's to eat and such.
He asked me about home life, school, and plans.
I think it was nice being able to talk about my life to someone who isn't always constantly around my life.
He asked about the different majors and how they are preparing me at LCC.
He was most skeptic about the way they are providing personal growth.
It was hard to answer Doug.
I mean yes the school has SFG and other things like that, but I don't have an accountability partner or anything of that sort.
I guess it opened my eyes a bit.
Either way it was productive talking about how he views ministry and how I shouldn't allow my critical eye get in the way of allowing ministry to work.


So lately as I've endeaveroud in this task of finding what God wants for me I've realized this.
Pray for the best. Expect the absolute worst. Be ready to Accept whatever God wills for your life.

Pray for the best because God calls us to ask, seek, and knock.
Expect the worst because it's not always rainbows and butterflies.
Accept God's will because it is He who made this earth into being and it is He who controls everything in this world.

Pray for the best/Expect the worst/Accept God's will

I'm praying right now that I don't clutch to my pillow every night in vain.
That eventually I'll have the perfect person to go on this journey with me.


- robert